I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We don't watch enough power rangers
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
