I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
