I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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