discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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