so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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