I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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