I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
