Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
