I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
