She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
