My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
As shirtless as possible
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
