IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
