he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
