My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
