i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Everclear isn't food dammit
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
