these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
