Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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