She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
