I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
