there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This baby is an asshole
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
