The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
