There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
