I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
