You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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