NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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