And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
