worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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