i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
