this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
