PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
