I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
