I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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