seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
