I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
