it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
