Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
