I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
