Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
