why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
