Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
