happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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