so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
