yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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