Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
