You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
