Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
