Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
