I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
