I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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