I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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