yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
