dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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