there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
