Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
