So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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