So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
