As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize