:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
