I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
