PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize