six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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