I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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