dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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