talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize