he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
