I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
