i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
