Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Randomize