bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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