IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize