i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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