3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
4 words: hood of his car
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
