Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
