Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
