I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
